Crushing the Critic: Three Ways to Harness Your Inner Voice for Growth

A perspective-altering moment happened for me while I was in junior high school. You read that right - junior high. For most people, those are years we don't want to relive - kids can be brutal, and bullies abound. 

I was bullied. Kids are mean, and their taunting nicknames cut right into me. It was hard, and I struggled with my mental health. 

But instead of looking back at those years with sadness for the burdens I felt at a young age, I'm grateful for them now. Why? Because it was during those years I learned about my inner critic. 

The moment that altered my perspective permanently was when I learned who my real critic was. I realized that you can ignore the outside voices, but the inside voice is the one that sticks with you.

The truth is that even though my peers who bullied me and called me names were critics of who I was, the bigger hurdle was facing the critic who knew me best: myself. 

When all the other voices stop, the only voice left is yours. And it's so much worse when the critic's voice is inside your head because it's the loudest voice.

I started to believe that voice in my head that said I wasn't good enough, wasn't qualified enough, was in over my head, didn't have enough experience, and on and on. 

If you're nodding your head along with me, remembering a similar common experience that has led you to struggle with your inner critic as an adult, learning to crush the critic is a transformative move that kicks out those thoughts of imposter syndrome, insecurities, self-doubt, or anxiety. 

There are three practical steps to crushing that voice and ultimately harnessing it to help you grow. You have to acknowledge the critic, confront the critic and question the critic. After that, nothing can stop you. Let's jump in. 

Acknowledge the critic. 

The first step is calling out the critic in your head. Instead of pretending like it doesn't exist, you have to give it a name. Nelson Mandela once wisely said that "courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it." I'm a relentless optimist, but that doesn't mean I ignore the facts of what's really happening. It simply means that I've learned to reframe the critical voice in my head as something good. And that starts with acknowledging it. 

It's easy to get this wrong. We tend to think that courage is ignoring the feelings of imposter syndrome or the voice that says, "are you sure YOU can do this?" 

That's not helpful or healthy. If I hadn't processed my experiences with bullying and thought about how impactful it was, I wouldn't be who I am today. 

Data shows that the average person has 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts a day. Ninety-five percent are repeated thoughts, and 80 percent of those are negative. 

That's a staggering statistic when you look at your inner critic's impact on your day. 

More than that, researchers say that the proof is in the science of the brain: ignoring negative thoughts doesn't help you mitigate them. That's because the part of your brain that's active when you think negative thoughts - your inner critic talking - stays active even if you suppress the feelings. This takes brain capacity and energy away from focusing on the stuff you have to get done.

Acknowledging the critical voice is the first thing you have to do to get out of the loop of negative thoughts. 

Those thoughts usually happen at one of two turning points in my day: when I'm looking at some task or goal that I think can't be accomplished or when I have to make a decision. 

The most helpful thing you can do in this stage of crushing the critic is to reframe the interaction. You've already called it out and said, "I know you're there." 

The next thing to do is make it a friend, not an enemy. Instead of pointing at the problem and thinking, I can't do this, or I'm not the right person for this, what if you said,” is there any truth to some of the criticism? How can I overcome it?” When you look at the problem with a critical voice, it becomes one of your best allies. It doesn't allow complacency, and you already know - it doesn't quit. 

Confront the critic. 

What would you do if you weren't afraid? Part of confronting the critic is challenging yourself. Leaning in. Getting out of your comfort zone. Doing the hard thing anyways. 

At some point, we'll all experience the "Sunday scaries" - that moment on a Sunday night as the week looms ahead where you fall into a loop of "what ifs." You imagine every possible scenario and outcome, and what might happen if you do this, then this will happen, then that will happen and suddenly - you spiral into an unproductive loop. 

There are two words to repeat when you need to break out of that decision-making vortex: until then. 

Until then, I'm going to do my best. Until then, I won't worry about things that haven't happened yet. Until then, I'm going to prepare as much as I can. 

Until then. Those powerful two words can interrupt the loop in your head and help you reframe the critical voice. If you don't do that, you're risking living in that cycle with a shadow of doubt over you for months or weeks. Productivity and creativity wilt under that shadow. 

And more than that, if you really want to confront the critical voice, once you say "until then…," follow that with "good." Pattern interrupting like this leads you to transformational and unstoppable self-awareness and lessons. 

Am I unsure? Am I nervous? Am I not as experienced as I want or think I should be? Good. This is an opportunity to grow. Discomfort teaches us to challenge ourselves. Ultimately, it teaches us to grow. 

Question the critic. 

The last step to crushing the critic is to question it. Ask questions until you get to the root of the problem because, most likely, the issue isn't what it seems. Sakichi Toyota, the mastermind behind the successful car maker, developed the "five whys analysis." Repeating the question "why?" five times helps you break the problem down into manageable steps.  

The breakthrough is at the top of a staircase that, by itself, seems unattainable. But step by step, it actually isn't that big. 

Break the problem down into manageable steps and question yourself until you get to the root of the problem. For example, if you're nervous about a big presentation, is it really that you are nervous? Or is it that you still need to decide on a topic? You haven't decided on a topic because you haven't sat down to think about it. You haven't sat down because you're busy. At the heart of the issue, you're too in the details about everything, and you need to simplify your to-do list and focus on what's really important. 

The issue wasn't that you were not qualified to do the presentation. The problem - with a very approachable solution - is that you need to find a quiet space to focus on and prioritize doing what you do best. 

The to-do list may still loom, and the Sunday scaries might, too. You may still feel like an imposter sometimes. 

But if you start to question the critic, suddenly, you can confidently do the thing you thought you couldn't do. You can hear feedback without letting it wreck you. Feedback starts to help you grow, instead of paralyzing you in a decision-making or imaginary scenario loop. 

Questioning the critic leads you to inner clarity that propels you into growth.

When you start to dig into the why and what's next behind the critical voice in your head, you have to acknowledge that the critic exists. You have to identify when the voice is loudest, and then attack the problem with productive strategies to get to the root cause of the problem. 

It turns out, the climb up the mountain to a goal or decision isn't really that big. Your critic voice isn't really as bad or as big as it seemed. 

I love this quote by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.: "if you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward." 

Keep moving forward. 

Crushing the critic in your head is not a problem to solve, but a tension to manage. Whatever critical voice you have, learn to harness it's potential power. It will make you better. It can help you grow. And in the end, it will help you move forward: not just through your day, but in your life, goals, career, or relationships. 

How are you crushing your inner critic? If you're planning on or have taken a practical step in accomplishing this, I'd love to hear from you in the comments. 

-MT

By the way, Leadr is a leadership development software all about growth. It can help you crush the critic in the way you give and receive feedback, break down goals, and lead others in your organization. Let me know if you want to see how you could implement Leadr within your team to reach your greatest potential.